Temper tantrum

We're continually redesigning the state of the art here, and the new boss seems to have a better understanding on security issues than the previous one. The previous boss let the local prima donna programmer assmunch have his own machine out at the POP, and root access to every other machine out there. That came to a screeching halt, and there was some bitching and moaning, but everyone survived.

Then one of our major productions occurred. The new boss declared that things would be done more simply, so as to avoid the horrible things that happened the last n times we had a major production. About forty people put in maybe three hundred hours of overtime to make this all work, and the production came off with nary a hitch.

The new state of the art removes all access to the machines at the POP by non-SAs. For some reason, I was the one that had to brief the prima donna. This did not go well.

Here's a rough transcript:

PD:	So, how do I do my development and testing?
Me:	You do it internally on this internal machine here that we're building just for you. It's a duplicate of the ones at the POP except for the fact that you have an account.
PD:	What if I have to do some last-minute tweaking?
Me:	You don't. You tweak on your internal machine, then you tell an SA, and we package up the software and follow standard testing procedures.
PD:	What if I need to run some programs out on the POP?
Me:	You don't. We'll have a web interface to the software, and the technical producer can turn stuff on and off themselves, or they can talk to the SA on duty.
PD:	But, I need those machines for testing.
Me:	You don't. You do all your testing inside. Then your stuff gets moved by an SA to this other set of machines for further testing, and then if it passes _that_ test, it gets moved out to the POP.

This is where he started to get excited.

PD:	But then I can't do the droid testing.
Me:	I'm still not convinced that testing has any real value, actually.
PD:	How can you say that? Those droids tested my software by pushing it to the limit, and that's how I found that bug. If I hadn't, then the production would have failed.
Me:	I'm not convinced that that testing is valid at all. Your software works with ten thousand droids, and fails with one hundred real users. This makes me think that either your droids aren't accurate simulations of real users or that your software is optimized to support droids.
PD:	Who supports this change?
Me:	I do. heartbeat pause And so does my boss.
PD:	But, but, then I couldn't have saved the day.
Me:	I'm not convinced you saved the day either. After all, there were plenty of people working very hard to make everything work.

At this point he got very excited.

PD:	That's like disagreeing that the sun came up.
Me:	No, that's like disagreeing that you saved the day.

With this, he went ballistic.

He started shouting "Fuck you! Fuck you! I can't reason with someone who disagrees that the sun went up!" and other meaningless loud incoherent bullshit as he stomped all the way through the entire office. ^[1]. I followed him, starting to get a little excited myself. He caught his breath when turning a corner, and realized I was behind him.

I stepped right up to him, nose to nose, and looked him in the eye. I asked him for the name of his boss and his boss's boss, and he named off two names^[5], before stomping away.

By now I was pretty close to losing control. Fifteen minutes of someone insulting me and screaming at me for no justifiable reason gets all my fight-or-flight reflexes going. I walked calmly to his boss's office and knocked with that open-the-door-now knock. He called for me to come in. I didn't realize that he had someone in his office until after I said, "I need to see you in sixty seconds before I quit." He looked at me with surprise^[6] and said he'd be right there. I went back to my cube.

Seconds later, the prima donna comes running down the hallway with his hat and jacket and scarf on, opens his boss's door without knocking, and shouts, "I've had it. I quit. I can't put up with this any longer!", then stomps off to the elevator. The receptionist says she saw him punch the wall rather hard before entering the elevator.

Where was my boss? Well, he missed just about the entire thing. Imagine my boss face when the other guy's boss (a high-up person) demands a meeting to discuss this.

Now, I'm a consultant. If it comes down to a hot-shot programmer and a consultant SA, who do you think is gonna get fired? I spent the next hour chilling out from being angry, and starting to get scared for my job. I call my consultant manager, who was completely shocked, and asked me if I wanted to be reassigned. I told her not just yet, but to stay tuned.

Eventually, I met with the bosstypes. I apologized for barging in and saying what I said without ensuring that the room was empty. They told me not to worry, because all the prima donna did was advertise that he was completely fscking insane and irrational, and that nobody thought I was incompetent or unreasonable or unprofessional.

Of course, the prima donna was back at work today. He hasn't been in the same room as me, and I think that was intentional. I warned his boss that him punching the wall makes me re-evaluate how I'll react in a stressful situation, and that while I won't swing first^[7], I will most certainly swing last.

Sidenote: one good way to destress after a day like that involves a six-pack of Honey Brown, a cheese sandwich, some porn off the internet, and a very attentive cat.

[1]	From my cube to his is the length of the office. The entire company[2] was within earshot of this part of the episode.
[2]	Well, the company, plus two potential hires[3] and two potential clients[4].
[3]	At least one declined their offer.
[4]	One of which came all the way from the Netherlands. Not sure what they thought.
[5]	Best part was that he named off the wrong people. Hee.
[6]	He He later said "I've never seen someone so angry they were trembling from head to toe, clenching their fists, and obviously controlling their voice. It was extraordinary."
[7]	You know the line -- do not fire until fired upon. No STR.

Date posted: 22nd March 2000