Sleep talking

I'm laying in bed, reading Scary Devil Monastery, and myy wife starts talking in her sleep.

"No, go away. Bye Bye."

"No, did I tell you to call? Go away."

"No, I won't help you. Go away."

"No, I won't help you connect to the Internet."

"I'm sorry, you can't connect to the internet because you're too dumb."

"Shay, Shay, where are you?" "I'm right here." "Make them stop. Make them go away." "Make who go away?" "The people. Put them on hold." "<poke her belly> Ok, they're on hold." "Make them suffer. Play Barney music at them."

"I hates them my precious, hates them I do."

"<giggle> Thank you for calling Technical Support, this is Dahlmer, how may I server you? The first thing you do is take off all your clothes and cover yourself with barbecue sauce. No, I'm serious. Now preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Sir, I'm a proffesional. Do you want to get connected to the internet or not? Okay then, crawl in your oven. Damn, he hung up."

She's been Bastardized.

Date posted: 12th March 2000