I've got a list...

Verily, did  Gid Holyoake thus post:
GH>Oh.. you've got a little list have you?

He may not, but I do (insert convenient music vamp here...).
A note: $OS is actually pronounced "dollar-O-S" to make the meter work out...

Summons chorus of BOFHs, enters reedy-tenor pattersong mode

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,

I've got a little list,
I've got a little list,

Of computerized offenders we should bury underground,

Before they make us slash our wrists,
They never would be missed!

There's the Usenet dweeb who curses with derogatory tone
All points of view but his, and all opinions but his own,
Or the would-be cracker who insists on using 37337-speek,
Or the UNIX luser who deletes his database each week,

And all third persons, whose requests spoil games of Quake, insist,
They never would be missed, TNWBM.

[CHORUS]

You should put them on the list,
You should put them on the list,
For they never would be missed,
They never would be missed.

There's the self-styled 'NT Guru', paper MCSE in fist,

Or the monopoly he assists,
Bill Gates would not be missed!

Or the $OS advocate who every chance insists,

That his product EVERYONE fits,
I've got HIM on the list!

Or the Slashdot-kiddie posters who shout out 'First Post' with glee,
Or their friends who get off on N. Portman's fine anatomy,
The idiots who read this group without a single clue,
And forward every post they read to A-H-B-O-U,

And then they wonder why we talk of slashing all our wrists!
They never would be missed, TNWBM.

[CHORUS]

You should put them on the list,
You should put them on the list,
For they never would be missed,
They never would be missed.

There's the HTML halfwit who insists on using MIME,

Using Outlook he persists,
I've got him on the list!

And the AOL-based luser who posts 'M3, T00!' all the time,

And the get-rich pyramid-ist,
Oh, yes, I must insist!

There's the hornball IRCers with the smarts of caribou,
And the pointy-hairs who push NT solutions 'til they're blue,
The spammers and the pornsites, yes, we'll all agree they'll do,
The task of filling up the blanks I'd better leave to you!

In fact there's so damn many that I'll need a bigger list!
But they'll none of 'em be missed,
They'll none of 'em be missed.

[CHORUS]

You should put them on the list,
You should put them on the list,
For they never would be missed,
They never would be missed.

Date posted: 8th March 2000